#2 Scorn the work of other writers, preferably anonymously on the Internet. It makes you feel strong and powerful.
#3 Do not waste time ‘improving self-esteem’. You are a bad person. This is the only thing that makes you interesting.
#4 Do not read. It will make your work less original. Watch television if you need ideas.
#5 If anyone asks what kind of books you write say, ‘High literary fiction’. If they ask what this means, smirk and walk away.
#6 Do not strive for wisdom or insight. Concentrate on ‘cool’. If you need a definition of this, you’re missing the point.
#7 Never re-read one of your own sentences. You are a genius.
#8 Do not exercise or take care of your health. You have no pension or income and would do well to die as young as possible.
#9 Develop overconfidence and mediocrity in equal measure. It’s the only way to make people like you.
#10 Spend most of your time on the Internet. Everything else is distraction.