Okay, here’s my plan to be more positive: I’m going to empty all my bank accounts of the cash in them. That will total $5.86. Let me dive into my Retirement Savings Plan and then I’ll have some real dough to play with! Who needs to plan for the future when you’re positive?
Next, I’ll book a one-way ticket to Europe: London? Amsterdam? Ooh…Italy has unlimited gelato! I love ice cream anytime. It only makes sense I’ll make my new home there. I’ll live in eternal blissful happiness as I sip a cup of java at Caffè Florian in Venice in the morning and dive into unlimited pasta and one thousand flavors of ice cream in the evening.
Responsibilities? What responsibilities? I’m flying by the seat of my pants here. Or rather, I’m flying off to Europe with my pants firmly attached to an airplane seat. Maybe even in first class. Call me Rocket Girl.
Yes, that’s right. I’m an optimistic, brilliantly amazing Princess. (That’s a capital P for Princess.) I am the one Princess to rule them all. I’m better than Kate Middleton or Meghan Markle because I can rock sweatpants with the word PRINCESS emblazoned across the butt. That’s my haute couture.
Vocabulary skills are no longer a requirement for me: THE PRINCESS. I redefine words, create words, and make my own rules for the following reasons:
- Like, literally I’m the best person in the world. How do I know? I’m the #1 PRINCESS.
- Like, literally I know the most about everything. Proof again? Tough crowd. You’re reading this aren’t you? Nuff’ said.
- Like, literally my gramar skills are the best! Move over Stephen King and J.K. Rowling! I can create dimensions you’ve never imagined, out-write you, and out-spell you any day!
Go me! I’m the #1 Princess AND The BESTEST WRITER in the world!
It’s Not That Hard
Why would it be? My sunny disposition will get me through anything. Job loss? No problem. My financial house could get shaken by a 9.8 earthquake causing the ground to split in two creating a fissure and at the same time parts of the earth will be pushed up generating instant mountains where only flatland existed before. The landscape around me will be completely redefined.
But don’t worry about me. I’ll jump across the abyss. It will be easy-peezy!
Oh, the tsunamis? I’ll swim. Someone will find me and take care of me. They always do.
Not The Right Fit
I’m square and you’re trying to squeeze me into a round hole. What’s the matter with you? Everyone knows there can only be one, #1 tiara-wearing Princess who like, literally has the brightest disposition. I’m so cheerful I cause other people around me to get migraines because of my 100 watt personality.
Why wouldn’t I be happy?
Lost at sea?
Someone will find me. And I won’t be rescued by one of those fishy smelling, barely sea-worthy boats. Nope. I’ll be rescued by the Titanic II where I get to dress up in vintage clothing and enjoy all the flavourful foods from the early 20th century. Break open the champagne and light a cigar! Let the roaring 20’s begin!
Penelope S. Hawtrey lives in Ottawa, Ontario where she can be found at home buried beneath mountains of paper that contain various short stories and a manuscript for a middle grade novel. But don’t worry-not all the stories are on paper: many of them can be found on her blog called, Tortuous Tales where she writes, like, whatever. www.tortuoustales.com Other stories have found homes in literary journals such as Potluck Magazine, The Commonline Journal, The Furious Gazelle (2017), and The Scarlet Leaf Review. Between the writing, she works a full time job, barely keeps up with the dishes, occasionally remembers to buy milk, and neglects both her husband and her dog.