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Poetry by Tiffany Firebaugh

July 15, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

The First Day We Met

She found words running loose in the Strand,
fit them for goofy hats
corralled them into a corner
and conducted them into photographs.

She knew how to assemble them.

You kiss like you are,

she whispered
as I sat stumped on eight across,

You’re vulnerable,

Then you’re not.

If Love Felt Like the Water Cycle

Drift out the window
Land in a puddle of silk
Float skyward, unbound.

I’ll Be

I wish that my jealousy
Would stagnate like a dammed river.
Instead,
Jealousy rages on—swelling, overcoming.
While the only damned thing
is me.

Tiffany Firebaugh is a freelance writer and poet, but by day she works in the non-profit sector. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Rogue Agent Journal and The Fem. If you like, you can follow her on twitter at @tifficaltiff.

“A Redneck Romance,” by Samantha McCormick

June 28, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

When I was in sixth grade, my family moved to a town composed of four stoplights and air perpetually tinged with the smell of chicken shit. With the subjective delicacy of a middle school worldview, I adjusted to my new surroundings like a Harvard Ph.D. candidate dining in a Waffle House at 3 a.m. That is, with mere anthropological interest trimmed in judgment. Burgeoning teenage angst coupled with a superiority complex along with being new to a cohort of kids together since kindergarten lead to the inevitable: I made only one friend.

Her name was Tyler, and she hated it because it sounded too masculine. She tried adding her middle name “Anne,” which to me made her sound more like television redneck heroine Roseanne and less like a delicate feminine flower, but it never caught on anyway.

The first time I went to Tyler’s house, we were dropping her off after she had dinner with my family. Tyler and I sat in the back seat with my little brother, a second grader high on ADD medications. Continue reading

Poetry by A.J. Huffman

June 24, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

You Are Nightmare

lapses, lingering at the corners

of my consciousness, a flower-

petalled dagger I cannot refrain

from touching. Poisoned,

your passion is a needle

that renders me numb. Brain-dead

zombie, I return automatically,

submerge myself in the familiarity

of your darkness.

“Defending Eris: a play in one act,” by Kim Kolarich

June 21, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

Characters

Jack 30-40, male, tall, overweight artist with tattoos

Miranda (Jack’s ex-wife) 30-40, female, dark haired, pretty and strong

Jack’s mother (played by same actress cast as Miranda)

Magda 25-30, female, beautiful and voluptuous, Polish

Irv (Magda’s husband) 50-60, male, grey haired business man

Lupe 25-50, female, housekeeper, Hispanic

Things That Make Us Furious: “Nutella,” by Sara Petersen

June 17, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

nougat-272934_960_720 Nutella is a problem. Sure, it’s creamy and fucking delicious, but it is just way too accessible. It’s the lazy person’s dream come true when it comes to instant sugar gratification. Open jar. Insert spoon. Emerge minutes later in a sweet stupor – with a gross, waxy taste in your mouth.

Nutella, I can’t quit you. Although once I did. I put a ban on Nutella (got legitimately pissed at my husband when he thought I was kidding and brought home a family-sized jar), and after two weeks of Nutella abstinence, my cravings legitimately diminished. Apparently two weeks is the average amount of time needed to kick an addiction. Heroin, crystal meth, Nutella. All the same really.

When I was younger and less intelligent, I blissed out in my ignorance of sugar’s nasty conversion into fat, and regularly ate strawberries and Nutella for the sake of protein. Like, “I’m feeling a little low-energy – I need a protein boost. Grilled chicken? Tuna? Eggs? No. Let’s go with the jar of dessert disguised as a critical part of a healthy, well-balanced breakfast.” What are we talking here? 2 grams, 3 grams of protein? But yeah, I’m just forcing this glob of chocolate down because I need my daily allotment of protein. Uh-huh. Continue reading

“A Message from the President,” a short play by Adam Seidel

June 14, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT

__________________________

A short play

By Adam Seidel

A bare stage. A man, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, stands in front of a microphone.

PRESIDENT

My fellow Americans. Tonight I would like to talk to you about the rumors which have been recently swirling around the media. These rumors concern an alleged comet, which according to television pundits, fringe scientists and conspiracy theorists alike, will strike the Western Hemisphere of our planet later this week resulting in as they put it, “complete and total destruction of the world as we know it.” (Beat.) I before you today, as your elected leader, to tell you that this is simply not true. (Pause.) There is no such comet and our world is certainly not in danger of extinction. My fellow Americans, in times such as these, we must think objectively and not fall victim to figments of the human imagination. Our ability to imagine is what makes us great. Imagination is the tool of progress, the beacon of hope in times of darkness. But imagination can also be our greatest foe, persuading us to give into fears predicated on the fictions of Hollywood. Tonight I ask that you refrain from giving into fear, but instead turn to sound logic. (Beat.) Again, I repeat, there is no comet and we are under no imminent… (Pause.) I’m sorry. I can’t do this.

PRESIDENT starts to walk away. He stops. He looks at the crowd. He returns to the microphone.

“My Boyfriend, Tom,” by Doug Patrick

June 10, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

Aidan bangs on my door, yelling at me to “get up already, faggot.” This is usual. What isn’t usual, though, is the fact he keeps saying he needs to show me something. Against my better judgment, I get up and unlock the door. Aidan barges in and I shriek, throwing my hands up out of instinct. Aidan is pointing at me with a handgun.

“I’m not gonna shoot you, Parker. I’m not an asshole.” Aidan laughs and lowers the weapon. “Pretty sweet, though, huh?”

I ask where the hell he got the thing. He says he found it in Dad’s gun cabinet in the basement – the combination is on a notecard in his nightstand. Then, he hands it to me and calls me a wimp. The thing is heavier than I thought it’d be. Continue reading

Pattie Boyd’s Greatest Hits by Matt Russell

June 7, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

Pattie Boyd’s Greatest Hits

by Matt Russell

He buys you a drink and says his name is Hutch and you think there are worse things to be named after than a song. Like a seventies TV character or piece of furniture.

“Layla,” you say, and shake his clammy hand.

“Layla, Layla,” he says, rolling your name around his mouth like a toothpick. And he’s still squeezing your hand when he says, “Like the song, right?”

You roll your eyes and slide your hand from his grip.

“Right,” you say. “Like the song.”

“Stones, right?”

“Clapton.”

“Right, right. Clapton. It’s about banging George Harrison’s wife or something, right?” Continue reading

Poetry by Rich Ives

June 3, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

Yesterday

The end of a century flipping like a calendar number,

and here I am kissing a short squat building where

everyone says hello, and no one recognizes me.

Upstairs there are families I once lived in, but

pawnshops have moved in like stray cats. In the garden,

rhizome dreams borrow the curiosity from a stare,

sending up tomorrow as a stalk and teaching it to listen.

Franny Ornstein, Secret Agent/Sous Chef by Brian Leahy Doyle

May 31, 2016 / The Furious Gazelle Editors

Franny Ornstein, Secret Agent/Sous Chef

by Brian Leahy Doyle

Cast of Characters

FRANCES RACHEL ORNSTEIN (FRANNY): Mid-late 20s, pretty enough, yet slightly insecure. A sous chef.

JENKS HEDGEPATH: Mid-late 20s, Franny’s fiancé. Well-built, gym-sculpted physique on a slender frame, classic good looks with a good head of hair. Knows how to pronounce words like “coif.” Venture capitalist.

VERA: Mid-late 20s, Franny’s assistant, attractive, great sense of humor, buoyant, the sort of person overlooked in high school who everyone cannot get over how great she looks at a high school reunion.

CHUCK (or DAVE): Mid-late 20s, rugged lumberjack physique. White ethnic. Also knows how to pronounce “coif,” but wouldn’t be caught dead saying it. Has perpetual two days’ growth of beard. Should look good in a flannel shirt. Ponytail optional. Plumber or furniture restorer.

R.S.: Acerbic sense of humor. Small of physical stature but with commanding sense of self.

PHELPS: WASP with a basic no-nonsense integrity. Dry sense of humor.

Setting: A bedroom. Diffused morning light through window blinds shines upon a queen-sized bed that is adorned with attractive blankets, pillows, and a duvet cover. To the right of the bed on a nightstand is a digital alarm clock, its digits frozen in time.

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